The Western Conference isn’t getting a pass.
After taking aim at the East, this latest rundown turns the same spotlight on the West, and the verdict is just as blunt: nobody here is lifting the Stanley Cup. Not the contenders, not the hopefuls, not the teams trying to sell progress as destiny.
Anaheim lands first in the crosshairs, and the criticism starts with spending. The Ducks have paid far too much for a player who still has plenty to prove, and that deal has already pushed the market higher.
The roster, as the piece frames it, is top-heavy in money rather than talent, and everything hinges on Carlsson living up to that contract. If he doesn’t, Anaheim could slide back into obscurity in a hurry.
Calgary gets treated as a team that has already lost its edge. The Flames are described as the club that helped set the tone for trading away talented Americans, while Jonathan Huberdeau has gone ghost. There’s little real threat coming out of Cowtown, and the notion that the team thinks it is too good for the Saddledome is part of why it won’t win anything.
Chicago’s issue is different: the Blackhawks keep adding pieces around Connor Bedard, but the offense still doesn’t look dangerous enough. Bedard projects as a franchise player, Bowen Byram is a step forward, and yet the scoring depth and power play remain major concerns. The progress is there, the piece argues, but it’s walking pace, not a sprint.
Colorado, meanwhile, gets hit with a familiar charge. The Avalanche can pile up regular-season success, but the criticism is that Jared Bednar leans too hard on generational talent in games that don’t matter enough. The youth movement keeps getting talked up, only to be undercut later when management decides those young players didn’t do enough and ships one or two out for an older fringe middle-six type who once won a Cup in the 2010’s.
Dallas is grouped into the same no-cup pile despite making a bold move for Mikko Rantanen. The concern is that the fit comes with a cost, especially when it comes to keeping Jason Robertson. Even with both players in the picture, the Stars still don’t get the benefit of the doubt, and Jamie Benn remains part of the problem in the eyes of the piece.
Edmonton gets the simplest explanation of all: the Oilers won’t win because they are the Oilers. Connor McDavid passed on breaking the bank so management could build a team that would finally clear the hurdle, and the response was to bring in Tristan Jarry to stabilize the net. That move is mocked as a baffling use of resources, especially when the best player in the league handed the organization extra room to spend.
Los Angeles gets called intriguing only because of the “right there” narrative that followed the series with Colorado. The piece dismisses that talk outright, pointing out that the Kings were swept and that being “right there” means nothing in a league that doesn’t reward almosts.
Minnesota’s case is even simpler: the Wild were feeling good until Nathan MacKinnon made a point of showing Quinn Hughes what happens when a train is coming through and you stay on the tracks. Then there’s the lingering matter of Hughes wanting to join his brothers in New Jersey, with Billy Guerin not expected to stop him. The conclusion is as sharp as it is brief: Minnesota doesn’t win cups because it doesn’t win cups.
Nashville is framed as a team with a new front office mindset that still isn’t close to true contention. Chris MacFarland’s cup-or-bust style is described as one that can weaponize draft picks, but not in a way that helps a team lacking real contender status. The idea that first-rounders are being stockpiled only to become trade chips later is part of the problem, not the solution.
San Jose’s future is tied to Yaroslov Askarov and Macklin Celebrini, but the outlook isn’t rosy. After dealing MacKenzie Blackwood, the Sharks are hoping Askarov can become the long-term answer in goal, yet his first year as a starter is described as rough. Giving up four goals a night would waste Celebrini’s youth, and even chasing Connor Hellebuyck would take a lot to pull off.
Seattle gets tagged as the expansion team that borrowed the Vegas playbook and tossed it aside. The Kraken’s biggest calling cards are beating Colorado once and still booing Cale Makar after that playoff suspension. But without high-end scoring talent, and with a vulnerability to “magic,” they’re not positioned to win hardware.
St. Louis is dismissed as all bark and no bite.
The one-off 2019 Binnington-led team isn’t treated as truly mighty, and the current version is painted as a club that likes to start trouble but not finish it. There’s uncertainty at left wing and even less clarity about the depth, which leaves the Blues nowhere near a Cup-winning formula.
Utah’s first season in this run of the list is barely a full hockey argument. The Winter Classic is identified as the highlight, mainly because it will be the only home game not played at the Zoolander Institute for Teams Who Can’t Hockey Good. There’s even a joke about whether a banner could fit in the building.
Vancouver is cut off with almost no elaboration at all: the Canucks won’t win a Stanley Cup, and that’s all the piece feels it needs to say.
Vegas closes the list with a warning about age. Money can buy plenty in Las Vegas, but not youth, and the Golden Knights are compared to an older man at a nightclub dressed in cologne and gold jewelry.
The image is flashy, but the core is tired. Mitch Marner is acknowledged as a strong playoff performer, though the piece notes that it took him too long to leave Toronto.
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